theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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