Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
