The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
