I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
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i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
