Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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