So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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