her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Girls should come with a carfax report
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize