It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it's like heaven, but drunker
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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