And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
