i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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