Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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