So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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