I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
