none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
