i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Green mimosas i think yes
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
