Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
