Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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