Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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