loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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