Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
