Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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