i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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