so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
