The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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