For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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