I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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