her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
