a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
