hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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