I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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