It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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