I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
