You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
