thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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