Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
