My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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