i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
