It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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