And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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