i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
