and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
