if i can run in heels then i can drive
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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