I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
