you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
