My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
