..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
