are you so shy because you have an std?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize