i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
