the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
