You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
