Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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