i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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