and you said cock pushups were impossible
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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