On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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