New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
pray to the hookup gods
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
