how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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