look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
