Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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