The maid of honor just puked.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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