but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
