with your own penis?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
